Sunday, January 30, 2011
Jamie is out of town, so Griffin slept in our bed last night. He was so sweet. We said our bedtime prayers, then he held my hand. I said, "I love it when you sleep in our bed." And he said, "Sometimes I have to sleep in my bed, but then Daddy can sleep in your bed. Does that make you happy, too?" And, I said, "Yes, it does." Then he smiled, kissed my hand and shut his eyes and went to sleep. What a sweet boy!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I was so glad that Corey was here this weekend. Jamie rented a fish house with some buddies on Lake Norway, so he wasn't far and stopped home for a while on Saturday. I was having one of those nights where I wanted to go out and do something fun with Griffin, and it was great to have Corey join us. When Jamie is gone now I really miss our team--he gives me so much strength and hope, so it was great to have his brother to be part of our team for the night!
We've had an amazing outpouring of support during this difficult time....one of the things I received was from a friend that understands the challenges of infertility well. She sent me a great cookbook--Good to the Grain. She said baking therapy helped her through the through times, and boy are there a lot of those. So, I headed to the store and bought lots of goodies from the organic and bulk section. Here is my first masterpiece....homemade granola bars--they have flaxmeal, oats, molasses, honey and dried blueberries in them....YUM! I shared them with friends that appreciate delicious healthy snacks as much as I do. (P.S. Griffin smelled one and said, "No thanks, I just want to smell it. Can I have a cupcake?")
It's Wednesday morning and Griffin woke up. I asked him what he wanted for breakfast, and he responded, "cupcakes". So, we made cupcakes. In my defense, they HAVE to be "healthier" than donuts and he doesn't even eat them with frosting!
P.S. Anytime Griffin helps me cook, we have to sweep the floor, he's a pro now!
Griffin wanted to have a wrestling "outfit" (long story, ask Jamie!) and so here he is, styling in one of my tanks. He wanted to be called "Super Fast Wrestling Man", to which we agreed and Jamie made up a song about. My boys make me laugh. :)
I'm co-chair of a great new young leaders group thought United Way called ADVANCE. Our goal is to develop a volunteer force of young leaders in our community. One of our first big events was a pub crawl....we had coach buses and stopped at some fun bars on the way to Litchfield. I was a bus hostess and was excited about the event, I had friends signed up to go (including Jamie!) and planned on being the pregnant lady mingling with everyone and making sure everyone was safe. Well, plans changed. It's hard to meet new people when I don't feel like myself. For the record, I really didn't feel like dancing, but I got myself on the dance floor and was proud. :) I know I have to let myself have the hard times, but I also need to make the best of the great life we have.
So, I'll go into the fun stuff: I got to hang out with my hubbie and good friends, I ended up with a sweet Choo Choo Mill Bar & Grill hat, Barb scored something awesome from each bar, we played fun "Minute to Win It" type games, and everyone seemed to have a great time! Hopefully we are on our way to a volunteer force!
P.S. Anita--I tried your favorite drink! Yummy, but I think I can only handle one at a time--they are sweeter than I am used to! It got me thinking they'd be yummy blended with ice in the summer. :)
Again, it was hard, but we did it! Together.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
To say the weekend was hard is an understatement. But, it needed to be hard. It's good to cry and "get it out". Jamie was wonderful and did a lot to care for Griffin so that I could focus on "healing". Keeping busy makes things a little easier, but we also need to take the time to get our arms around our new reality. Saturday was tough, but the night ended with a party for our neighbor's 50th. They are great neighbors (they helps us out A LOT) and the party was a good way to end a rough day. I taught Sunday School the next day, it was hard, but again, I DID IT! I had to leave church part way through--overcome with emotions. The week before I was in church holding my precious belly. It will go better next week. After a mopey day we decided that we all needed to exert a little energy, so we took Griffin bowling. Our good friend Wendy met us. She left her nice warm home to bowl with us. Clearly, she loves us. :) We had a good time laughing at ourselves and watching the excited little man bowl!
Two days after we found out about our loss, we all stayed home and knew that a family day is what we needed. We knew we needed to DO something--we certainly didn't want to spend another day crying on the couch. We needed to be strong for Griffin. Our options in town were limited and since I had surgery, I couldn't go sledding or do much physically. I was feeling pretty mopey that we may be stuck inside all day crying, crying, crying. I was trying to find options online when Jamie yelled up to me, "What about the Children's Museum?" This was at 9:15. We threw on hats and by 9:45 we were in the car. On the way down I realized that the place would be full of pregnant women and babies--EEK! Jamie said a good statement that I have had to repeat many times in the last week, "That is their life, and this is ours. And, our life is good." True, after all, I do have the most wonderful, loving and understanding husband in the world! :)
We had lunch (Jamie bought a homeless woman a meal which was one of the highlights of my day), watched Griffin play at the Children's Museum while we held hands constantly, went to the Choo Choo Bob store and had a nice dinner at the Tavern on Grand.
WE DID IT! We put one foot in front of the other and did the best we could with a really terrible day.
Our family suffered a great loss last week, and we are doing our best to come together as a team to put one foot in front of the other, look at the good we have in life and count our many blessings. For so long we have hoped to grow our family. We've prayed about it and took a head on battle with infertility. Finally, after many tears, appointments, shots, procedures, dollars and losses, we thought we were on the winning side. We had two amazing ultrasounds, heard our sweet baby's heartbeat and I looked and felt pregnant...it was a beautiful thing! It was hard for me to fully celebrate, I was scared. Although everything was going very well, I also know all too well how quickly joy can diminish. Hours after announcing our pregnancy at work--at 14 weeks along, I was quickly on my way to my doctor's office for a small complication. Within an hour we learned that our baby was no longer alive. I can't express the heartbreak--this baby gave us so much hope for our future, Griffin's future, our parents, family and friends--we were so excited to be able to share our bundle of joy with others this summer. We are grieving, but through the heartbreak and loss we are doing our best to celebrate what is good in our life and try to have hope for our future. We have no idea what it holds, but we have to believe that we will make the best of our future--that's who we are. With sadness comes an overwhelming feeling of being blessed. The outpouring of support from our co-workers, friends and family is amazing. The heartfelt emails, calls, cards, hugs, flowers, meals, an amazing care package and comforting gifts have be so thoughtful and just what we needed. I had friends come to pack away my maternity clothes. Friends planned a movie night, instead of watching a movie we talked and talked and talked. Much needed! Someone offerred to give me their frequent flyer miles so that Griffin and I could visit my parents. We are not alone. We truly feel that we are being lifted up with prayers. For a while the photos on our blog will be of us putting one foot in front of the other and getting by, day by day. After getting through what I thought was the end of our battle with infertility, I felt so proud of myself. In fact, it was the most proud I've ever been. It was terrible, ugly and painful, but we did it! Now, I feel most proud of how our family has come together as a team. Our hearts are broken, but we are blessed.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Erin loving her real wine glass and sparkling juice!
So much good food! Morning cartoons.
Look at these two cuties!
We had a fun "after party" at the Eilers' home. The kids loved their party with sparkling juice in real wine glasses. They hunkered down for a movie and the rest of us ate and talked and ate and talked. It was such a fun night! We finally got home in the early afternoon, it was hard to leave their cozy home and good company. NYE day at home was a day of organizing and napping...two of my favorite things!
Landon with his tooth ready to go!
We has an awesome New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! We met up with the Jared, Barb, Landon, Lauren and Erin at the Family NYE Party at the Y--what a blast! They had lots of fun stuff to do for the kids. Landon played lots of games and won lots of tickets (and therefore lots of prizes) and the three three year olds went on the inflatables over and over and over and over again! They were very happy and very tired by the time we left!